The Haunted Cracker Sock
by Neo-Nebula
Summary: Yazoo refuses to eat his crackers and wants dessert, so he hides them in Kadaj's dirty socks. The spirit of the crackers forever haunt him and his family sure isn't of any support. Kadaj also gets some trouble later . . .
1. Chapter 1

Hiya, again! This is another weird Comedy of mine (My only AC comedy so far that I have written) and thought it would be good to post because it is shorter than my other AC ones, since I have Dial Up . . .. Anyway, please enjoy! Read and Review!

This story is AU and OOC. Sephiroth is 20, Cloud is 16, Loz is 14, Yazoo is 13, and Kadaj is 9.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything or anyone in this story.

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The Haunted Cracker Sock Chapter 1: Neglect 

"Mother! Loz's banana sandwich is biting me!" Kadaj screamed from his seat at the kitchen table.

"Loz, please hurry up and eat it!" Mother/Jenova ordered, turning away from sweeping butterflies off of the floor, which reminded Loz of doorknobs.

"Oh! **_Aww . . . !_** It's so **_adorable!_**" Yazoo squalled, sitting between Loz and Sephiroth. "Mother, you **_must _**buy me one!"

"I don't **_wanna _**eat this moldy old sandwich! You've been tryin' to feed it to me for months!" Loz yelled, ignoring Yazoo's outburst.

"**_Mother!_**"****Yazoo screamed. "Buy me one!"

"Loz, eat it or I'll send you to the Lifestream like I did the Cetras!" Jenova yelled.

"**_Mother!_**" Yazoo sobbed uncontrollably while drying his eyes with his fists. Pumpkins fell from the ceiling tiles and onto Loz's sandwich, turning it into a piece of burned grass.

"Yazoo, what's wrong? Did those Shadow Creepers give you Clothes Line Diaper Rash again?" Cloud asked, flying into the room on a red octopus that was not contagious.

"No! Mother doesn't **_love _**me anymore!" Yazoo continued, blowing his nose on the spandex tablecloth.

"Kadaj, will you please go feed Sephiroth his pink peas?" Jenova asked. Kadaj sat next to Sephiroth, got a spoonful of food, and shoved it into his mouth.

Yazoo was so upset from neglect from his mother that he ran upstairs to his room, leaving his catalogue of things he wanted on the table. Loz farted.

"Yazoooooo!" Jenova called from the bottom of the stairs.

Yazoo smiled brightly and exited his room. "Yes, Mother!" he called back from the top of the stairs.

"You have to eat your crackers or you can't have dessert tonight!" she informed. She tossed the pack of crackers at him, hitting him with them in the face. Yazoo's eyes filled with tears and he ran into his room.

"I **_hate_** crackers!" Yazoo bawled, laying face down in his pillow on his bed.

"Hey, Yazoo! Did you do the laundry yet!" Kadaj yelled through the door.

Yazoo sat up and smiled. He grabbed the pack of crackers, ran out his bedroom door, pushed past Kadaj, and into Kadaj's bedroom and locked the door.

"Hey! Get outta there!" Kadaj instructed, beating on the door.

Yazoo poured the crackers into Kadaj's dirty sock . . .

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So, what do you think? Weird? I wrote it today during testing. It's hard being a high school student . . .. I will do my best to also post the other AC stories I have (which are two about Yazoo), but they have really long chapters and I have dial up Internet, so it will be hard. If I do, there may be some space between chapters, though. Anyway, more of **_this _**story is to come if you like it, so please send reviews!


	2. Fear

Well, here is the next chapter you all requested. Did you know the first time I wrote this story it was about Kingdom Hearts? Strange, huh? Well, please read, enjoy, and review!

**Chapter 2: Fear**

"Yazoo, did you eat all of your crackers?" Jenova asked Yazoo as he entered the kitchen.

"Yes, Mother, see?" he showed her the crumb-filled bag.

"Ha ha! Look at all of this baby stuff!" Loz laughed.

"Yeah! It's like Hooked-On-Phonics without the Phonics!" Cloud added.

Yazoo curiously approached them and saw that they were making fun of his catalogue.

"Goo goo!" Sephiroth sang from the poopy chandelier in the lotion magnet on the tongue of a dead T-Rex on the belt buckle of Jenova's invisible pants.

"Hey! That's mine!" Yazoo whined.

"Hey, check this one out!" Cloud pointed to a picture on page 62. "Hugging Machine. When you need some love and there's no one around, use this to cuddle with an elderly caterpillar. Do not attempt if the caterpillar is obese and releases ecosystem laughter."

"Hey! I want one of those!" Yazoo informed, hands on his pudgy hips.

"Aaaaaaah! Run away!" Kadaj screamed in horror, running down the flea-filled concrete stairs.

"What's wrong, honey?" Jenova asked him.

"I'm the Haunted Cracker Sock!" a ghostly voice from behind said. The voice belonged to. . . a floating sock with crackers inside that stunk horribly.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeek!" Yazoo screamed in horror. He hid behind Loz for protection.

"Yazoo! Why? Why! Why have you killed us crackers so disrespectfully! We are to die by being eaten! Why have you disgraced us so by not allowing us to fulfill our mission!" the Haunted Cracker Sock (HCS) cried sorrowfully.

"I-I . . ." Yazoo studdered.

"Why! Why did you put us in Kadaj's dirty sock? The smell has killed us crackers in the most torturesome and disgraceful death known to man or cracker! **_Shame_** on you!"

"I'm sorry! I didn't know! Please don't hurt me!" Yazoo pleaded on his knees.

"I won't as long as you obey my every command!" HCS told him. "You must be punished . . .severely!"

"Ha ha! Yazoo's a slave!" Loz teased.

"Shut-up!" Yazoo yelled.

"Yazoo! Respect your family or else!" HCS ordered.

Loz laughed and Yazoo sighed. "Mister Stinky, please go away!" Yazoo yelled.

"For that, you shall be punished!" HCS screamed. A vacuum cleaner appeared and chased Yazoo until it sucked up enough of the dress-like part of his suit to knock him down. Yazoo lay on the carpet on his stomach with the bottom of his suit in the vacuum's mouth.

"This is interesting . . .," Kadaj observed.

"What are you gonna do to me?" Yazoo asked, helplessly lying on the floor.

Turtles and pineapples fell from the popcorn ceiling and ate cheese on their way down. They landed on Yazoo's back and started marching in a circle with picket signs. Their magical toenail polish gave Yazoo a bad sunburn all over his body, and then some yellow Doritos flew out of Loz's armpits and pulled Yazoo's hair.

"Hey! Ouch! That hurts!" Yazoo whined.

Chicken livers in ballet outfits danced from Cloud's shoelace and kicked Yazoo in the butt, damaging his blistered, sunburned body.

"Aaaaaa!" Eeeeeeeek!" Yazoo screamed with anguish.

"He ha ho!" HCS laughed triumphantly. All of the 'normal, average, everyday thingies' rode in a giant tater peal home and left Yazoo on the floor.

So, are you happy? Please review! Express yourself! I love you all no matter what you think, just keep your vulgar language to yourselves, please! Next chapter is not yet finished, but I will post it soon!


	3. Hard Labor

This is the next chapter to this awesome story of mine! I finally finished writing this one, so now I'm sharing it with the world ! If this fanfic continues to go well, I'll post a story called "Kadaj and the Bread of Doom" that will be similar. So please inspire me by reading and reviewing!

HCS Haunted Cracker Sock

Chapter 3: Hard Labor

"Mother!" Yazoo yelled from lying on the couch.

"Loz, go naw on some old newspaper so soem cone-shaped postage stamps will go catch the geese, okay?" Mother told Loz.

"Mother!" Yazoo screamed.

"Mother, I mashed my finger! Will you kiss it?" Kadaj asked, teary-eyed.

"Sure, baby," Mother agreed, then kissed it.

"Mother!" Yazoo continued.

"Cloud, will you please go find Sephiroth something good to watch on TV?" Mother asked.

Cloud nodded, then ran into the living room and saw Yazoo lying on the couch miserably. "Move it, **_baby_**!"

"But, I'm hurt!" Yazoo moaned.

"Now!"

"**_Mother!_**" Yazoo cried.

"She doesn't love **_you_** anymore!" Cloud taunted.

Yazoo sobbed, believing Cloud's cruel comment, since she never did listen to him.

"Mother! Yazoo's in my seat!" Cloud yelled.

Mother came into the room and picked Yazoo up. He looked up in her eyes hopefully, but she just threw him onto a pile of cactuar needles on some dirty pillows in a fingernail-sized apple.

"Fine! I don't care about this family any more! I hate you all!" Yazoo cried.

The HCS appeared and hovered over Yazoo. "For that, you shall be punished!"

"Everyone, gather around for the rodeo!" Mother yelled. The whole family sat on microscopic toldstools on the coffee table, which smelled like Plutonian pizza. They ate fireflies that were on strike while they watched Yazoo.

"Mother doesn't love me any more!" Yazoo informed the HCS.

"So? I have to find **_some_** way to punish you! Now behold! The power of the Haunted Cracker Sock!" HCS yelled. "Now go do all of the chores in the house! Or **_else_**!"

Yazoo whined as he walked like an impudent Mountain Dew can into the kitchen. He washed the dishes, swept and mopped the floor, but by the time he was half-way through washing the laundry outside in the creek, he fell over in exhaustion.

"Slacking, are we?" HCS questioned.

"Please! I'm so **_tired!_** Please let me take a break!" Yazoo pleaded, lying on the ground with one hand laid across his forehead. His pink apron was as dirty as a nude pencil shaving in George Washington's umbrella.

"No! Get to work now or I'll add the most horrible rash ever conceived on your butt to that blistering sunburn on it!"

"Oh, please don't! I just need a little break!"

The Haunted Cracker Sock did. He gave Yazoo the rash, then put him in the bathtub.

So, is it still good and disturbing? Please review on whether you like it or not! It is very much appreciated!


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